Wildflowers and Rainbows

5 years. 

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years….

At some point during the first week of January 2025, I realized it was 5 years ago that the beginning of the end started…it was the beginning of God rescuing me and opening my eyes to see the emotionally abusive marriage I was in….and it literally saved my life. 

It was a miracle. 

It was actually countless small miracles that started Jan. 4, 2020, but came to a head on Jan. 13th. 

For the previous 5 years since 2015, I had been a walking dead person, living under an avalanche of shame, condemnation, and hatred from the non-stop mental and emotional torment and abuse in my marriage which no one knew about or understood, including me. I didn’t know what was going on. I just knew I was in so much pain and I couldn’t fix it. I had done all that I knew to do and had come to a place of utter hopelessness just wanting to die because no one understood, saw, or helped. 

The horrific realization that the person who vowed to love, honor and cherish you was not the person they pretended to be, but was intentionally harming you in the most insidious, cruel ways is a reality you don’t want to see. And after 5 years, God literally said “Enough! I’m getting you out!” 

5 years ago today, Jan. 13, 2020, was one of the most traumatizing nights where I felt completely trapped, filled with fear and no one to turn to for help. And although the church leaders placed all of the blame on me, God was about to use it all for my good and for my ultimate freedom. More to come on that in a couple of weeks…

But for now, if anyone out there that feels all alone like you’re at the bottom of a bottomless pit of pain and despair where no one sees you or hears you, hold on! God is there with you and He’s fighting for you! 

Reach out to a trusted friend, and confidant. And if u don’t have anyone you can trust, I’m here. Please reach out to me. 

Whatever you do, don’t give up.

You are seen. You are valuable. And you are worthy of real love....and as you keep walking forward one step at a time, you will find the clouds clearing, and wildflowers and rainbows all around.