You Are A Miracle

(Part 6 of my story)

During the 3rd week that I was in KC, I was sitting in the prayer room and saw a friend of mine who I knew from 2007 who was now a professional counselor. I knew she’d have some insight into my situation as I was in the beginning of my awakening…

I gave her a brief summary of what had happened the previous 4 weeks, and how God had opened my eyes to being in a destructive marriage, and I’ll never forget her looking at me and saying, “Michelle, you are a miracle!” 

She went on to tell me the average number of times a woman goes back to her abuser is 7 times! (because in the abuse cycle, the abuser often pulls her back in through the love bombing phase). …And the fact that I was out the first time and had clarity to see what was happening was a miracle!! I was stunned…

She went on to explain how my upbringing had groomed me to pick a relationship like this, and she encouraged me to start doing the things that I love to help my heart come alive again…dance, sing, paint…whatever brings me joy!

God had already started leading me in that process from Day 2 in the prayer room when He divinely arranged a little 7 yr. old girl to approach me when I was sitting in the dance square. I was tired, and encouraged her to go ahead and dance, but she looked at me and said, “But I wanted to dance with you!” 

It was a little odd because I didn’t know her at all…why would she want to dance with me?! …I figured it had to be the Lord that drew her to me. So, although I was tired, I said yes, and for the next 1.5 hours we danced and laughed and danced and laughed! It was so sweet and so fun!

I remember her asking me if I was a ballet teacher, and I said, “No, I’m just loving Jesus with movement.” To which she replied, “Can you teach me how to do that?” And as we danced, it was unbelievable how she followed my every move!! …every move of the silk, every move of my arms….even when I rolled up my sleeves, she rolled up her sleeves! :) 

The whole thing was so significant as I hadn’t danced like that in several years. I had completely lost myself during the 5 years of marriage, and remember telling my husband early on, “You ripped the wings off the butterfly.” 

It was true…he had so sucked the life out of me and had me in such a swirl of pain, confusion, anger, and disillusionment, I felt lifeless. I don’t even remember him responding to my pain. Now looking back, I see and understand that that is the goal…to wear you out and tear you down so much that you lose yourself and the will to speak up for yourself, thus making it easier for them to control you. 

But in those precious moments of dancing with this little girl, the Lord was not only energizing my heart and body, but was encouraging my spirit and reminding me I still had impact, and that even in my pain, weakness and brokenness, His anointing was still on me….and I was imparting some of that to her. 

Beyond that, I also felt the Lord wooing me and saying to me, “I miss dancing with you!” and affirming me and the beauty and delight that I bring to Him when I dance. 

The same is true for you. The gifts and talents God’s placed in you are unique to you, and only you can release them. No one else can sing, dance, paint, or play the way you do, and you too are a miracle! All that you’ve overcome and persevered through by His grace have produced a beauty and anointing on you that He desires.

We are not too broken, too old, or too dark. We are simply His…Daughters of the King whom He loves. So, we can step out of hiding, out of shame, and out of fear and release the beauty inside of us. And as we do, those butterfly wings begin to come back bigger, stronger, and more beautiful than they ever were before!  

Ps. 45:10,11 - “Listen, O daughter, and forget your past…for the King is enthralled with your beauty; honor Him for He is your Lord.”